FF versus 13 ( my version ) update

Here's the latestversion of the story:

Storm and Erza, were like any other child, walking down an alleyway, talking as cars passed by them, it was like any other normal night in the cities. Behind them a couple of people were gathering and whispering under their breath, a couple other kids came begging for money on the cold streets of Espera. Storm was the only child in his family, his father was a guardian of some sort. He was an average boy with an odd colored eyes, yet his hair was silver instead of black which suited him as was a shy and calm boy. Erza was also an only child in her family but unlike Storm's father, her was an average banker trying to make the most of it. She was an average girl with a crimson colored eyes and hair which made her easier to be noticed, despite her boyish personality. They were best friends but that night something odd happened to the both of them. In this city being able to walk around at night was something incredible, despite other people opinions which there parents obviously forbade them to do because odd things could happened. Like in the newspaper that they read, about a boy turning into a girl and back again for unknown reasons. They thought it was something like a carnival at night where children gather to have fun, since in a way a boy turning into a girl was absolutely funny to them. Both their parents always ignored them about the subject; most of the time they would pretend to do something else just to avoid it. So they decided going near the alleyway where the police station was, sense it would probably safer for them. Know here is how it all started. It was late at night and Erza was staying over at storm’s place since her parents went away. Storm’s parents was practically asleep, quietly planning an adventure, sneaking around the house searching for a key and some equipment they could if it got dangerous. Erza was in the kitchen she caught sight of the keys, just as she was taking them of the hook, a cold hand touched her shoulder which made her jumped, and she bumped her on someone’s chin. They both fell down hard, she looking frantically for the one who scared her, then a face appeared in front of her, and they sighed in relief because it was only Storm.
Quietly unlocking the back door, it opened and Storm went on ahead, the night made it hard for him to see, every thing looked scary for their age, even the trees looked as if they were moving on there own. He looked into his surroundings, before he thought it was safe for them to move.